You do not have because you do not ask.

Beth Moore writes a bible study called... When Godly people do ungodly things... and I am currently enjoying this study every Wednesday with a group of amazing women. This week's study was on accountability. Well, what I focused on anyway. I have been craving accountability and a "see through life" for some time. I suppose going along with my last post, it's just that I want to live a REAL life. Not some facade that people see and go right by. Beth challenges the readers to become see-through with their accountability partners. Well, first, the challenge is to be vulnerable enough to ask someone to step into your life in that way. Second, you must humble yourself and boldly admit your struggles and successes in life. NOT AN EASY THING TO DO. Believe me. I've had a ton of thoughts go through my head and played the waiting game on certain things and this week was the final nudge (not sure how to spell it) that I needed to move into action. Two of the most inspiring words from this week and what I am now constantly praying for are: discernment and accountability. Look them up. Read what they mean. Study the Bible to see what God says about them. If you're lacking either of them, PRAY for them. And if you don't feel that you need them (which I'm sorry to tell you that you do...) then pray that I gain discernment and accountability in my life. Because I need them. Both. All the time.

Small Talk

I've never been one for small talk. Put me in a room full of people I don't know and I'm bound to be the quiet one. I'm not sure why, but small talk kinda turns me off. It's not that the people are bad or anything, but I always feel like it's uncomfortable and that there's no real purpose. I know it's a way to start relationships and whatnot, but does the person really care how I am doing? I've been in a few situations recently where small talk is the name of the game and it's so AWKWARD for me. It makes me extremely anxious and longing for more, deeper relationships. Ahh, I feel better. Just had to get that off my heart.

Setting goals...

I have committed myself to participating in the 2010 Pokagon Triathlon..... olympic distance. Somewhere around a mile swim (still can't figure out the coversion to meters or yards), 25-mile bike and a 6-mile run. Part of this goal is to make up for the lack of exercise and training from last year when life was really hectic and I failed miserably in the workout department. So, we joined the Y and I am well into training. Ok, so I'm definitely not fast, but I just set time goals in order to accomplish something and feel good about it. Along the same lines, I have set more goals for the new year. I was never one to make a New Year's Resolution and actually KEEP it, but I feel like it's not such a bad idea after all. I need motivation and reminders to make goals a habit but so far it's going well. I will share my NWR to hold myself accountable and to get reminders when I'm not doing a good job.... no gossip and being committed. There you have it. I feel like in this day of cell phones and internet messaging it's SO EASY to not be fully committed. Waking up and feeling like "I don't feel like going out today" or "I would rather do it another day".... I'm so tired of the lack of commitment these days. No more facebook messaging to break plans or a text message to say I'm not showing up because I don't feel like it. Unless sickness or some major conflict arises, my yes is yes and my no is no. Riding the fence is uncomfortable and sometimes rude. No gossip. Well, that's another story. It's SO easy with facebook and blogs, but it's not the purpose of either of them and I remind myself of that daily. So please help keep me accountable. :)

'Tis the Season.... 'Tis the fun.

I can honestly say that I tried to post just after Christmas and my computer was not cooperating. In order to not throw the computer out the window, I decided to step away from it and return later to post. So here I am about 1.5 weeks later. Like most of you, our last few weeks have been jammed full of gatherings, family time, gifts, roadtrips and chasing Rowan. It's kinda crazy for me to think that last year things were a lot different. No moving baby, not much traveling, a lot of sickness, etc. This year was so good in that regard! Besides having to travel a lot (which is fun, but gets old) we were all healthy for the holidays and Rowan was a ton of fun as we opened gifts and gathered with family. I'll get right to the point and start posting pictures that document our holiday weeks. :) The pictures are in backwards order b/c the blog isn't cooperating again with me. Or maybe I'm just that much of an amateur. :( Enjoy!

Capping off a great break with a weekend trip to xcountry ski in Valpo. Great friends, great weekend.

So thankful for the past 8 yrs. A lot of memories have been made!

Rowan banging on pots and pans with his Grandpa Pattison.

Rowan's first time playing in the snow. Kyle pulled him around the yard in his new sled!

Ally, my niece, sporting her new boots I bought her!

Rowan on Christmas morning :) My favorite time....



I can't help but love that face. And his elf outfit!

My handsome nephew Brady & my beautiful, PREGGO, sister Michele. Baby boy Vince to arrive in May :)

Around the house.

Well, we've pretty much started a whole new life for ourselves now that we've moved. We're getting into the routine, although each week seems to be a little different, especially with a 1 yr old in the house. I am continuing to work two days a week and I have a bible study every Wednesday morning. Just this week we joined the YMCA in order to get ourselves physically, emotionally & mentally fit this winter. It seems that every winter I get into this sort of funk with it getting dark early & people not being outside. So, after a minor emotional breakdown on Sunday, I took my paperwork in at 7:30am Monday morning and signed us up for a family membership. So far, Kyle & I have swam twice (not together though) and Rowan has visited with other kiddies in childcare. It is truly a blessing to have childwatch onsite b/c I NEED that 30 minutes of alone time in the pool. So far, so good. (even though we're only on day 3 of the membership) Other than that, we've been gearing up for hosting some Christmas gatherings and randomly making shopping trips to get odds & ends for family. It seems like we're not buying as many gifts this year, but that's definitely a good thing. So, I'll get to the good stuff. Here are some recent pics of our family .... okay, of Rowan. I'm not sure Kyle & I have been in a picture without him in a while. :)

Rowan & Tanner's favorite spot..looking out the front door/window.

They're buds.

Beginning his musical career early :) He carried the keyboard from the playroom to this spot to perform.

Listening to Grandma & Papa read him The Night Before Christmas.... the book made me cry.

"Helping" dad set up the treehouse. Or just trying to play :)

Rowan's Bestie

So, come to our house when the entire family is gathered and it's no guessing who Rowan's favorite person is. Without a doubt, Rowan's "bestie" is....

Yes, that's my dad. He's "Papa" to Rowan. It's so fun to see them interact with one another. I'm sure my dad feels his age after playing for a bit because Rowan is everywhere, but we all know it's worth the little back pain, right?

Tis the Season!! Our Christmas treeS, yes we have two, are up and decorated. It's so fun to experience Christmas with a baby. It makes me excited for him to know the whole meaning and look forward to Christmas celebrations. Speaking of Christmas celebrations, our little family went to "Christmas on the Farm" sponsored by Salomon Farms here in Fort Wayne. As a new friend of ours put it, it was "good, not great." They had cookie decorating, a live manger scene, and hayrides for everyone! The highlight of Rowan's night was to pet the little goats that were part of the manger. The highlight of my night was seeing Joseph's black washable marker beard. Seriously, I about laughed out loud. It was a good attempt anyway. No, the highlight was definitely meeting up with new friends, the Clarks, and getting out to enjoy the holiday season!

Today we went to Crossbridge Community Church and really enjoyed it. It's definitely a smaller, growing church, but we're ok with that. We're still trying to find our home in a church, so the prayers and the hunt continue. We will definitely at least go back to C3 and keep it as an option for now.

In case you didn't get to see an earlier video through facebook, I wanted to post a little glimpse of our funny little guy. This is from earlier in the summer, but it's worth watching on repeat. Enjoy!

Calm after the storm...

Well, we're finally moved in. It's official. Not that all the unpacking has happened, but our house is becoming our home. We have two rooms & a garage full of boxes, but the rest is clean. We hosted my family for an amazing Italian feast the day after Thanksgiving and then hosted some friends this weekend. It's very fun for us to have a place to invite people in. The past week has been a bit of a whirlwind for us and this Monday morning has brought a little rest for my body. This week is the beginning of "normal" for us as I will be going to work on Tuesday and Friday, Rowan will visit the sitter's house and Kyle has 5 long days of work. It will be another adjustment for all of us, but hopefully the start of something permanent. I'm probably most nervous about dropping Rowan off for 2 days, but it will be good for us both. I suppose this blog is a place for me to share some prayer requests as well as get feedback (comments) from others needing prayer as well... so here goes... We need to find a home church, a place where we fit in, can serve, and can be ministered to in a way where our hearts are full and our hands are open. We have tried a few churches and just need discernment and wisdom about where to go. Also, we are just continuing to seek divine appointments by God where He will create friendships & relationships for us. We hope to remain open for God to use us and direct our paths. I am thankful for the opportunity to work, for my weekly bible study, for healthy family members and for this season of Christmas and the gatherings that will happen. :)