I recently heard the idea of a "home team" by Shauna Neiquist... moral of the story: you can't be friends with everyone. Invest in those close to you and make people a priority in your life. I totally resonate with this as I definitely see the value of quality over quantity. In other aspects of this, I have come to realize that I am not going to get deep with everyone I encounter and that some people just click. Some days I wish I could go back to being naive thinking that everyone can hang out and have a good time and relate to each other. There are just some relationships that are not meant to be and others that come out of nowhere and mesh quickly. And it's okay.
So, I am sort of feeling like God has finally answered my plea for relationships with my neighbors. Tonight was truly a blessing as I hung out in the garage for a couple hours pricing garage sale items. We had a little dog (who I now refer to as the Holy Spirit in a sense) run over to our house twice in a row. We had to carry him home to his house (next door) and the second time we returned him, I was able to meet Koula, the kind, Greek woman who lives there as well. I cannot tell you how long I have prayed for an opportunity to speak with our neighbors... most neighbors come home, pull in the garage and shut the door. Not really a time for meet and greet if you know what I mean. So, thank you Aki for getting out of the fence to come and visit us. I know that God sent you our way :)
Today I re-learned a lesson I've been learning for a long time. I woke up fairly early due to the need to potty... the pressure that a little baby can put on the bladder is ridiculous. After that, I couldn't get comfortable for several pregnancy reasons, so I laid in bed and thought about the day, life, etc. Rowan woke up pretty happy this morning and then it turned south quickly. A lot of fussing, time-outs, etc. So I decided to 'get away' from parenting for 45 minutes to exercise at the Y. I got about 10 minutes into the workout when I noticed the childwatch worker summoning me from the window. Game over. I got Rowan in the car and proceeded to cry. Cried because I was exhausted as a mom, wife, person... and because hormones are crazy during pregnancy. And then I had to come to the humbling realization again, that life is not about me. I don't know why I can't get over this concept, but it's happening. My job at this point in my life is to care for Rowan and be a mom/wife. I am still an individual, but even that part of my life is not really about me. I'm a disciple. My job is to glorify God, someone other than myself. I got mad at myself a little while later for forgetting that it's not about me. Thank you God, for Rowan, who reminds me every day that it's not about me. And that it's about parenting, witnessing, encouraging, discipling, learning, loving, etc. And if there's time at the end of the day or even in the middle when I can be selfish for a little bit, thank you. Sometimes I just need it.
I've been cleaning out some rubbermaid tubs in our garage that came from my parent's old house. Yes, it's been a while, but the nesting stage continues. I opened up a small tub full of stuff from my early school years. One of the folders that I opened was titlted "My Family of God". I attended a Catholic grade school for 8 years and then moved on to the public school system. This book was part of our religious education that we received at St. Charles. So I read through the book and some of it made me literally laugh out loud because I was only 8 when I wrote in it, but some of it really made me think and reflect on my faith journey. I started to think about my journey and it sort of came down to the difference between 'believing in God' and 'believing God'. That's a title from a Beth Moore bible study, but it fits well to the illustration of my faith journey. When I was little, and even through high school really, I was one of those people who really just believed that God existed. It's not a terrible place to be compared to many alternatives, but it's definitely not what it means to be a believer. In the bible, there is a passage that states that even the demons believe in God. To believe in something means to believe that it exists. Yes, I do believe in God. However, I don't just believe IN God, I believe God. I believe that what He says is true. I believe His Word is infallible and that His promises will come to fruition. And because I believe all of this, my life is changed. I don't live a perfect life. In fact, I live very far from it. But I'm striving to live as I believe. I have been feeling very discouraged but challenged by the term "Christian" lately and I think it's because many of 'us' are living as though we just believe in God, rather than actually believing God and believing His Word is life-giving and life-saving. So, I will ask.... do you just believe in God? That He just exists? That He sits up in heaven and just watches us go about our lives? Or do you believe Him? Do you believe His promises? Do you read His words and apply them to your life? Do you trust that He cares for you and will do whatever it takes to bring you to Him? Are you willing to believe Him?
I never knew how thought-provoking a 3rd grade assignment would be 19 years later :)
So, I definitely don't want this blog to be a Rowan-tracking mechanism, but because many of you live far away, I figured that a little update would be welcomed. Wow... how times have changed in the Pattison household. Rowan is absolutely a hilarious boy with a great sense of humor. It was not a fluke that he had a laughing attack at 6months because they still continue to this day. He is actually getting a little taller and I'm hoping for some more growth in the next couple of months. He's literally a spit-fire from the moment he wakes up (5:45am today) until the moment he falls asleep. We are on-the-go all day... no TV time, no cuddling (for the most part) and no relaxation for mom. Which I am coming to terms with. I would prefer him being active, but pregnancy and lack of sleep make some days pretty tough. Rowan generally wakes up screaming "mommy" but sometimes surprises us with a toddler rendition of "jingle bells" or "how much is that doggy in the window"... He loves to be outside... which is his usual first request of the day besides breakfast. He calls the recycling truck the "remotorcycling" truck... he can't disconnect the 'motor' from 'cycle'. He talks like he's 4 years old which is a blessing and a curse at times. It's hard to keep him out of our mulch and water... typical boy. We read lots of books and one of his favorites happens to be a Christmas book... a boy after my own heart. He's got truly blonde hair and blue eyes and sometimes when he's acting up I wonder if he got switched at the hospital...He remembers his birthday and his last name, but hasn't mastered the ABCs or counting... he's definitely only 1 year old and it's evident during his tantrums... but it's all part of the job :) Needless to say, we're all exhausted at the end of the day but we have a lot of great stories and smiles on our faces. Rowan Paul, you are a joy and a huge blessing that I often take for granted. But thank you for the daily reminders in teaching me God's grace and patience. I love you.
I have no thoughts at the moment.... they are coming, however. I have a lot in my head, but haven't had a chance to put them on paper. And I've decided to watch the U.S. Open tonight rather than blog.....oops.