A whole new world.

Well, as I promised, here is a little update of Rowan and his 2-year milestone. First off, I know every parent is biased, so there's no shame in me thinking that Rowan is absolutely hilarious and cute. Mind you, he is also very temperamental and has major meltdowns if he is tired, hungry or ornery. He wakes up screaming MOMMY and DADDY "where are you?" "I need out!" Literally yelling. From there, he does not stop talking until he falls asleep for naptime and the cycle continues. He says some pretty hilarious things. Yesterday he told on himself for throwing mulch on his friend while they were playing outside. I didn't see the incident, but thankfully Rowan felt

guilty (or just wanted something to say) and apologized and we called and asked for forgiveness from his friend. At the moment, Rowan is accompanying his daddy in the Starbucks drive-thru. Rowan actually enjoys coffee but because of his extreme energy level already, we give him one sip and call it quits. I'm not sure how Rowan's brain works, but he remembers everyone and everything you say which makes me very careful in the words I choose and the actions I choose for discipline. His current favorites: trains of any kind, Thomas videos (we only have one and it's getting really old), dump trucks, anything with wheels, pulling Tanner's tail, reading books to us (yes, sounds backwards, but he memorizes books and reads them to us...), Target (did I mention that I love this child?), bible study playing with kids, fruit of any kind, chocolate milk, and watching Wheel of Fortune and asking for certain letters. Our current battles are: talking politely and not demanding things of mommy and daddy, getting out of the house in a decent time frame,

diaper changes, eating meat and pasta, and hitting his mother. :) Time has really flown by, but I'm loving our conversations and teaching moments. He's truly hilarious and really does bring us joy.

**Rowan on his 2nd bday**

**A train themed party- what else?**

**Rowan's birthday pancake with candles**

Yearning

I sat in bed during naptime today and I couldn't help but let my mind and heart wander.... I came to a simple, short conclusion.... My heart longs for community and adventure. Plain and simple. I don't know what that will look like in Fort Wayne (or if we'll move someday) but I'm ready. Yes, I said it was short. Maybe I'll post soon and update you on the little man... he turned 2 last week!!

Planning

I'm such a planner. I can't help it. There is something fulfilling about taking my little calendar out of my purse and jotting down dates and times and events. I will say that being a SAHM doesn't require a whole lot of calendar planning. Generally once a week there is something fun and new to write down. But still, I just enjoy planning. And you can only guess what I think about all day as the holidays approach. How will we spend Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years? Nothing to write down yet, but the anticipation is fun :) Anyone else just love planning?

Role Model?

Our book club is reading: Another Valley Another Victory Another Love by Valetta Steel Crumley. I can't begin to tell you how this book has challenged me. I could literally quote every page/chapter/verse. Here is one that I had to read about 5 times as God began to reveal Himself to me.

"If there is one message I would like to shout to every parent, it is this: every day that you live out your life before your children, you are imparting to them an entire value system, and what a phony set of values many parents dump on their children. Even Christian parents model life-styles characterized by money and material possessions. Such are vain and transient baubles when set in an eternal perspective. The fulfillment of selfish ambition, and the brief, fickle applause of man: how futile they will appear someday when seen in the light of eternity."

I had another long thought of my own posted here but I just erased it. This quote needs no explanation or elaboration, but I do believe it goes beyond the parent role to anyone claiming Christ as Lord and Savior. This is plain truth.

Funk.

Isn't it crazy how fast our moods & situations change? My least favorite "feeling" is being in a funk.. and I've been in a funk for longer than I have wanted to. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose for over a month now and it keeps me awake at night. For several hours. Please funk, go away.

Celebration.

This weekend we had the opportunity to be a part of a special celebration for a dear friend who turned 30. It was so cool to see and experience so many different people all gathered together to celebrate the life of another friend. It's crazy to think about how we have all been impacted by him and how special and unique he is to everyone he encounters. Tonight I'm reflecting on the importance of celebrating individuals and in that, telling them how much we appreciate them and why thy are special to us. It's so nice to be affirmed, isn't it? Don't skip out on telling someone how much they mean to you or how they've impacted you. Dennis, you are a blessing to me in the way that you love my dear friend Emily and how you've befriended Kyle and I as if we've known each other forever. Thank you for letting us be a part of your life and celebrate this milestone with you. (old man.) :)

Vulnerability

I'm convinced that people, myself included, need to be more vulnerable. I never really understood what that meant until recently in life. I mean, I knew what it meant, but not what it looked like. Until I started truly wanting genuine relationships. Everyone in this world is trying desperately to cover up faults, failures, shortcomings, etc. It's absolutely ridiculous. Not to mention, isolating. Not only will people never know who you truly are, but you won't ever even know yourself. I say all this holding a mirror to my face because it's really challenging to let people know that you are far from a perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend. My house is often tidy, but rarely clean. I don't shower daily. I often nap instead of pray or read. I sometimes feel like I have no idea what it means to be 'good' at any of my roles. I only really cooked one dinner this week. I daily have to apologize to my dog and my son for using the wrong tone of voice or being short with them. Some days I'd rather lay in bed than get up and live life. Ah, I feel better. Thanks for listening.

Home Team

I recently heard the idea of a "home team" by Shauna Neiquist... moral of the story: you can't be friends with everyone. Invest in those close to you and make people a priority in your life. I totally resonate with this as I definitely see the value of quality over quantity. In other aspects of this, I have come to realize that I am not going to get deep with everyone I encounter and that some people just click. Some days I wish I could go back to being naive thinking that everyone can hang out and have a good time and relate to each other. There are just some relationships that are not meant to be and others that come out of nowhere and mesh quickly. And it's okay.

Persistent Heart

So, I am sort of feeling like God has finally answered my plea for relationships with my neighbors. Tonight was truly a blessing as I hung out in the garage for a couple hours pricing garage sale items. We had a little dog (who I now refer to as the Holy Spirit in a sense) run over to our house twice in a row. We had to carry him home to his house (next door) and the second time we returned him, I was able to meet Koula, the kind, Greek woman who lives there as well. I cannot tell you how long I have prayed for an opportunity to speak with our neighbors... most neighbors come home, pull in the garage and shut the door. Not really a time for meet and greet if you know what I mean. So, thank you Aki for getting out of the fence to come and visit us. I know that God sent you our way :)

Not about me.

Today I re-learned a lesson I've been learning for a long time. I woke up fairly early due to the need to potty... the pressure that a little baby can put on the bladder is ridiculous. After that, I couldn't get comfortable for several pregnancy reasons, so I laid in bed and thought about the day, life, etc. Rowan woke up pretty happy this morning and then it turned south quickly. A lot of fussing, time-outs, etc. So I decided to 'get away' from parenting for 45 minutes to exercise at the Y. I got about 10 minutes into the workout when I noticed the childwatch worker summoning me from the window. Game over. I got Rowan in the car and proceeded to cry. Cried because I was exhausted as a mom, wife, person... and because hormones are crazy during pregnancy. And then I had to come to the humbling realization again, that life is not about me. I don't know why I can't get over this concept, but it's happening. My job at this point in my life is to care for Rowan and be a mom/wife. I am still an individual, but even that part of my life is not really about me. I'm a disciple. My job is to glorify God, someone other than myself. I got mad at myself a little while later for forgetting that it's not about me. Thank you God, for Rowan, who reminds me every day that it's not about me. And that it's about parenting, witnessing, encouraging, discipling, learning, loving, etc. And if there's time at the end of the day or even in the middle when I can be selfish for a little bit, thank you. Sometimes I just need it.

Believing In vs. Believing

I've been cleaning out some rubbermaid tubs in our garage that came from my parent's old house. Yes, it's been a while, but the nesting stage continues. I opened up a small tub full of stuff from my early school years. One of the folders that I opened was titlted "My Family of God". I attended a Catholic grade school for 8 years and then moved on to the public school system. This book was part of our religious education that we received at St. Charles. So I read through the book and some of it made me literally laugh out loud because I was only 8 when I wrote in it, but some of it really made me think and reflect on my faith journey. I started to think about my journey and it sort of came down to the difference between 'believing in God' and 'believing God'. That's a title from a Beth Moore bible study, but it fits well to the illustration of my faith journey. When I was little, and even through high school really, I was one of those people who really just believed that God existed. It's not a terrible place to be compared to many alternatives, but it's definitely not what it means to be a believer. In the bible, there is a passage that states that even the demons believe in God. To believe in something means to believe that it exists. Yes, I do believe in God. However, I don't just believe IN God, I believe God. I believe that what He says is true. I believe His Word is infallible and that His promises will come to fruition. And because I believe all of this, my life is changed. I don't live a perfect life. In fact, I live very far from it. But I'm striving to live as I believe. I have been feeling very discouraged but challenged by the term "Christian" lately and I think it's because many of 'us' are living as though we just believe in God, rather than actually believing God and believing His Word is life-giving and life-saving. So, I will ask.... do you just believe in God? That He just exists? That He sits up in heaven and just watches us go about our lives? Or do you believe Him? Do you believe His promises? Do you read His words and apply them to your life? Do you trust that He cares for you and will do whatever it takes to bring you to Him? Are you willing to believe Him?

I never knew how thought-provoking a 3rd grade assignment would be 19 years later :)

What our little guy is up to...

So, I definitely don't want this blog to be a Rowan-tracking mechanism, but because many of you live far away, I figured that a little update would be welcomed. Wow... how times have changed in the Pattison household. Rowan is absolutely a hilarious boy with a great sense of humor. It was not a fluke that he had a laughing attack at 6months because they still continue to this day. He is actually getting a little taller and I'm hoping for some more growth in the next couple of months. He's literally a spit-fire from the moment he wakes up (5:45am today) until the moment he falls asleep. We are on-the-go all day... no TV time, no cuddling (for the most part) and no relaxation for mom. Which I am coming to terms with. I would prefer him being active, but pregnancy and lack of sleep make some days pretty tough. Rowan generally wakes up screaming "mommy" but sometimes surprises us with a toddler rendition of "jingle bells" or "how much is that doggy in the window"... He loves to be outside... which is his usual first request of the day besides breakfast. He calls the recycling truck the "remotorcycling" truck... he can't disconnect the 'motor' from 'cycle'. He talks like he's 4 years old which is a blessing and a curse at times. It's hard to keep him out of our mulch and water... typical boy. We read lots of books and one of his favorites happens to be a Christmas book... a boy after my own heart. He's got truly blonde hair and blue eyes and sometimes when he's acting up I wonder if he got switched at the hospital...He remembers his birthday and his last name, but hasn't mastered the ABCs or counting... he's definitely only 1 year old and it's evident during his tantrums... but it's all part of the job :) Needless to say, we're all exhausted at the end of the day but we have a lot of great stories and smiles on our faces. Rowan Paul, you are a joy and a huge blessing that I often take for granted. But thank you for the daily reminders in teaching me God's grace and patience. I love you.

Labor Day Weekend

I have no thoughts at the moment.... they are coming, however. I have a lot in my head, but haven't had a chance to put them on paper. And I've decided to watch the U.S. Open tonight rather than blog.....oops.

Summarizing the summer

Triathlons, lots of house/yard work, and having fun in the sun with Rowan. He's getting SO big... more updates on him when I get some new pics up!

Fun Weekend

I'm completely exhausted after this weekend, but it was really fun and actually productive too! Friday night I reminisced with a lifetime friend as we watched our old high school football team play while eating popcorn together with our preggo bellies. She's due with twin boys in November and our little #2 is due in February... oh how times have changed since we carpooled to practices 300 days a year!! Saturday we had a blast at the lake with some friends and then enjoyed time as a family without any projects hanging over our head! Today, Sunday, was a working day at our place. For some reason, I felt extremely motivated to vacuum, clean out the garage and backyard, do laundry, etc.... I truly love nesting :) My great husband is currently priming our kitchen and we're on to our final two rooms to be painted. It's so nice to be exhausted at the end of the day because we worked really hard. I promise to post some pictures in the next post and do a little Rowan update for those of you who care!

Enjoying the Ride

The sun is shining, the breeze is blowing and I can manage to be outside for 2 hours straight without sweating. Perfect way to start out the day.... a trip to the zoo. We joined a good friend and her little guy for a long stroll around Africa, Indonesia, Australia and the Indiana Family Farm :) It was really refreshing to have good (uninterrupted for the most part) conversation and fresh air along with a little exercise. About halfway through the zoo, we encountered the carousel. About 40 staged animals with golden poles move up and down gracefully as the carnival music plays. Something caught my eye today as we strolled past (me not having money handy for Rowan to ride or wanting to get him out of the stroller in fear that he wouldn't get back in).... only one rider. She held on tight and went around and around without a care in the world. I kept looking around to see who was riding with her, wondering where the rest of her party was. As we watched the entire carousel go around, it was evident that she was completely alone. She was simply enjoying the ride and in no hurry to keep moving as I was. The greatest part and the point of this story you ask? Well, the lady was about 70 years old. I did actually laugh when I first came to this realization, but after reflecting, I was challenged. Am I strolling through each day just trying to make it until naptime or bedtime? Am I constantly looking ahead to the next stage to see what's there? Am I prepared for what's next? Will I survive this? The thoughts are endless and this world has me completely caught up in planning ahead and wondering what's next. I think I need to stop and ride the carousel for a bit. Are you enjoying the ride?

This one is for you, Em!

1. Most days I wonder what exactly I'm doing in life and where I'm headed.

2. I get giddy when I think about fall and everything it brings with it.

3. I absolutely love being a mom and wife despite feeling completely inadequate many days.

4. My life would be incomplete without cheese.

5. If I could be a professional triathlete, I would.

6. Going to bed early is a hobby and passion of mine.

7. Music speaks to my soul more than anything else.

And we're back!

So, I had a little revelation the other day. It's been happening for a while now and I finally gave in to the thoughts that kept creeping up in my head and the feelings/desires that were stirring in me. I have pretty much neglected a lot of things this summer for many reasons, but have decided to get motivated, get back on the bandwagon and start fresh. Since fall is my favorite time of year, what a perfect time to restart my engine. I mean, I have seriously slacked in a lot of areas. Blogging being one of them. (obviously!) It's not that I don't have time to do certain things, I have had very poor time management. Anyway, I am so excited for the new changes that are happening and most of them are mainly due to baby #2 who is due in early February. I will elaborate on all the changes and happenings later, but for now would just like to attempt to update the blog and work on the background, format, etc. It's been so long since I've written that this is all new to me...again. Ugh. :) Oh well! Look forward to communicating more very soon! (maybe even with a few pictures!)

Dog Days of Winter

The winter was just too long. We had to implement new activities into the daily routine. Uncle Ryan was kind enough (or just doesn't know it yet) to leave his Wii at our house for a while. Rowan has caught on to the game, but doesn't weigh enough to really play, so Kyle helps him out. It's actually hilarious to watch. They generally do the bike riding or ski jumping on Wii fit.



The sun has finally come out! We took a long run as a family (with Tanner too!) yesterday and have enjoyed the 45 degree weather. It seems like summer compared to the cloudy, snowy days of winter. We are so thankful for the change in seasons as it was draining our spirits to have to endure another day inside :) We have enjoyed mall-walking and grocery runs, but we need a change in scenery.



I have recently switched jobs and will be working only Thursdays for a few months. On Tuesdays and Thursdays Rowan gets to play with Whitney all day! Our calendars are filling up as the spring creeps in and we're excited for all of the great adventures that lie ahead!



Rowan playing dress-up with his new swim trunks, sandals and my shirt :) We might need to invest in some boy costumes :)

Truth in Love

Where do you draw the line between speaking the truth and avoiding the issue? I have to be brutally honest here. I am having a hard time with certain ideas being "acceptable" and Christians worrying more about being tolerant than truthful. We are told over and over again in God's Word to speak the TRUTH in love. Not avoid the truth in hopes that we never hurt anyone's feelings. It's so frustrating for me because I feel like I am stuck in so many circumstances where I should speak the truth IN LOVE, but I end up not saying anything because I might offend someone. For God's sake, SPEAK THE TRUTH. Literally. I'm totally convicting myself, but I hope that more Christians are convicted to speak the truth than to avoid ever confronting anything/anyone because we're afraid of hurt feelings. And the hardest thing is that it is a fine line because we're human, we have no right to judge, and we all need to be accepted... or would like to be anyway. I firmly believe "hate the sin, don't hate the sinner" but I just can't accept the lack of confrontation/accountability in the Christian community. I will be the first one to admit that I am guilty. Any thoughts? Where do we draw the line? Have we gotten too tolerant of sin?

A Few Updates

This winter season has definitely been packed full of adventures and a lot of changes have been happening in our home. Rowan is, of course, the main event these days. Every day is something new and he's constantly learning new words. I keep thinking that this is the best stage ever, but it does keep getting better. This morning we learned the words "moon" and "sky" as it was still dark outside after he finished breakfast and the moon was positioned perfectly outside our big front window. So we stared for a while and learned new words, while Tanner paced continually trying to see what we were looking at. Rowan just had a 15-month check up and measured about 24.8 pounds and 30 or so inches. He's pretty much in the 50th percentile for everything :) We're still waiting on a growth spurt!

Rowan and his friend/neighbor Whitney. Crazy hair before he got his professional haircut :)Always happy in the bath :) Getting ready for lake season- a permanent life-jacket for my half-fish little boy!Playing in the snow! We pulled him all the way down to cousin Brady's house! He loved it! First professional haircut. He did amazing & Kayla was so good! The BOAT show!! Oh my word, he LOVED this place. Could be an annual trip...He said "vroom, vroom" while driving every boat he could get in! Such a great way for us to spend a cold winter day.... daydreaming about the lake :)

You do not have because you do not ask.

Beth Moore writes a bible study called... When Godly people do ungodly things... and I am currently enjoying this study every Wednesday with a group of amazing women. This week's study was on accountability. Well, what I focused on anyway. I have been craving accountability and a "see through life" for some time. I suppose going along with my last post, it's just that I want to live a REAL life. Not some facade that people see and go right by. Beth challenges the readers to become see-through with their accountability partners. Well, first, the challenge is to be vulnerable enough to ask someone to step into your life in that way. Second, you must humble yourself and boldly admit your struggles and successes in life. NOT AN EASY THING TO DO. Believe me. I've had a ton of thoughts go through my head and played the waiting game on certain things and this week was the final nudge (not sure how to spell it) that I needed to move into action. Two of the most inspiring words from this week and what I am now constantly praying for are: discernment and accountability. Look them up. Read what they mean. Study the Bible to see what God says about them. If you're lacking either of them, PRAY for them. And if you don't feel that you need them (which I'm sorry to tell you that you do...) then pray that I gain discernment and accountability in my life. Because I need them. Both. All the time.

Small Talk

I've never been one for small talk. Put me in a room full of people I don't know and I'm bound to be the quiet one. I'm not sure why, but small talk kinda turns me off. It's not that the people are bad or anything, but I always feel like it's uncomfortable and that there's no real purpose. I know it's a way to start relationships and whatnot, but does the person really care how I am doing? I've been in a few situations recently where small talk is the name of the game and it's so AWKWARD for me. It makes me extremely anxious and longing for more, deeper relationships. Ahh, I feel better. Just had to get that off my heart.

Setting goals...

I have committed myself to participating in the 2010 Pokagon Triathlon..... olympic distance. Somewhere around a mile swim (still can't figure out the coversion to meters or yards), 25-mile bike and a 6-mile run. Part of this goal is to make up for the lack of exercise and training from last year when life was really hectic and I failed miserably in the workout department. So, we joined the Y and I am well into training. Ok, so I'm definitely not fast, but I just set time goals in order to accomplish something and feel good about it. Along the same lines, I have set more goals for the new year. I was never one to make a New Year's Resolution and actually KEEP it, but I feel like it's not such a bad idea after all. I need motivation and reminders to make goals a habit but so far it's going well. I will share my NWR to hold myself accountable and to get reminders when I'm not doing a good job.... no gossip and being committed. There you have it. I feel like in this day of cell phones and internet messaging it's SO EASY to not be fully committed. Waking up and feeling like "I don't feel like going out today" or "I would rather do it another day".... I'm so tired of the lack of commitment these days. No more facebook messaging to break plans or a text message to say I'm not showing up because I don't feel like it. Unless sickness or some major conflict arises, my yes is yes and my no is no. Riding the fence is uncomfortable and sometimes rude. No gossip. Well, that's another story. It's SO easy with facebook and blogs, but it's not the purpose of either of them and I remind myself of that daily. So please help keep me accountable. :)

'Tis the Season.... 'Tis the fun.

I can honestly say that I tried to post just after Christmas and my computer was not cooperating. In order to not throw the computer out the window, I decided to step away from it and return later to post. So here I am about 1.5 weeks later. Like most of you, our last few weeks have been jammed full of gatherings, family time, gifts, roadtrips and chasing Rowan. It's kinda crazy for me to think that last year things were a lot different. No moving baby, not much traveling, a lot of sickness, etc. This year was so good in that regard! Besides having to travel a lot (which is fun, but gets old) we were all healthy for the holidays and Rowan was a ton of fun as we opened gifts and gathered with family. I'll get right to the point and start posting pictures that document our holiday weeks. :) The pictures are in backwards order b/c the blog isn't cooperating again with me. Or maybe I'm just that much of an amateur. :( Enjoy!

Capping off a great break with a weekend trip to xcountry ski in Valpo. Great friends, great weekend.

So thankful for the past 8 yrs. A lot of memories have been made!

Rowan banging on pots and pans with his Grandpa Pattison.

Rowan's first time playing in the snow. Kyle pulled him around the yard in his new sled!

Ally, my niece, sporting her new boots I bought her!

Rowan on Christmas morning :) My favorite time....



I can't help but love that face. And his elf outfit!

My handsome nephew Brady & my beautiful, PREGGO, sister Michele. Baby boy Vince to arrive in May :)